Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
