if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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