just come out here and I will go home with you...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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