end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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