I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
