Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
