I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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