He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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