What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
