Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
