why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
