hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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