Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
