As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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