you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
