Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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