when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
