I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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