He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
