my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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