at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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