How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
