Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
