I wannas sexs uuuuu
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
