ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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