Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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