You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
