I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
