The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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