Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
