Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
