This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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