Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
