Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
