I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
