I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
