she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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