Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
