I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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