It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm at about main and main street
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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