the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
