a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
