tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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