is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
