i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
