I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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