So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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