you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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