i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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