I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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