yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
