Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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