I accidentally had phone sex last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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