guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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