2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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