Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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