I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
