Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
