First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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