Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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