But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
