i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
