I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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