hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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