I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
