I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
