I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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