Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
