i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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