I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
