He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
