People with herpes should wear stickers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
