Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
