i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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