She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
