dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
