He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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