I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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