just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
