dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So much rum. So many feels.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
