I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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