one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So much rum. So many feels.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
