last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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