i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
