We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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