you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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