its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
