capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
