Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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