I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
