I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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